Bye 2021, Let Us Do Better 2022

I have been meaning to write, but the energy I am lacking--for during my days off work, all I want to do is throw my body on the couch and stay there for hours, often sleeping overnight there too. It is hard to get myself to climb the stairs to the cozier bed. I kept waking up to toss and turn, thinking I should be on my feet, maybe to go upstairs in the bedroom, or to the kitchen to do the dishes, or do laundry, or sort the mail--to lessen the clutter in the house. Even the indoor plants are now showing signs of neglect from me. The leaves look brownish and hang down low, almost like the plants outside the house in this winter season--brittle and dry. I thank my supportive partner in life, my supportive husband who literally picks up the slack and keeps our living space a home.

I thank my family, my grandkids especially. I smile as I watch them enjoying some simple things in life. They can keep themselves occupied with child's play from the discounted Christmas party games I bought when we celebrated the day after Xmas. (I worked Xmas, New Year, and the eves before). Aren't after-season sales great? We got "Pin the Snowman carrot nose," and a "Snowball-dart" board. Josiah, my 2-year old grandson, jumps for joy every time he throws the gel ball in the bull's eye target.

At work, I feel grateful for the core staff who choose to stay and work with the teams in the hospital. We are the minority while most staff are traveling professionals (nurses and respiratory therapists). I feel grateful for the staff who maintains their calm. It is hard to keep our heads up high and smile beneath our personal protective equipment. 

We lost many patients, and two in my family within a month. My patience and resiliency are being stretched to the limits. How much more can I endure? My compassion is wearing thin and I have to remind myself, I am still lucky that I have the knowledge, resources, and support to do what is right most of the time. I am grateful for all those blessings.

Salamat.

Happy Place

We have quite a few nurses leaving the intensive care unit to relocate, change job positions, or work in neighboring hospitals for more money and/or a different environment. Many, I think, are searching for that happy place, like any other place except where they are currently. For now, my husband and I take some moments as able, to getaway. The anticipation, planning, actual vacationing, and memories of good experiences get us by. We are lucky enough to have the strength and resources to do this. Saving for it, doing tasks that are not always our favorite, and making sacrifices all help to make our happy place within reach (or one flight away).

We visited Kauai. The beaches are clean with fish easy to watch and enjoy. The air is refreshing, the ambiance peaceful.

Even the full moon is beautiful. The reflection on the water makes the area so bright.

This tree from a garden is so unique. It looks almost unreal. 

I am thankful for the good times we had.

New Year 2021 Gratitude

Welcome to my first post in the New Year 2021. Most of my off days are still spent indoors. It is cold outside. 39 degrees in Colorado. With still some social distancing, I still have many things to be grateful for this second wave of COVID.

• A family member was hospitalized in December but released in early January in better health.
• The COVID population in my hospital is low.
• I completed my 2/2 COVID immunization. It is something to be thankful for being in Tier 1A as I work in the intensive care unit.
• A working fireplace to sit close to - at home.
• A pedicure service for me and my daughter (and a cheese grater for callus removal *laughing out loud*)
• Chair massager at home to go home to after a long day at work.
• My family loves the chair, even little Josiah who is not even two.
• Funny Josiah whatever he does. He eats like a dog with a spoon and fork in his hands. Who needs those spoons and forks? They are just props.
• Kiddie masks fitting Josiah. He does not mind much wearing it. For many things, kids are easier to train.

• Zen time painting cards for a cause (to support some COVID families). My nursing group is starting this project to sell for our fundraising.
• My coworkers still in the fight defending our patients from COVID.
• Ventilators.
• Trimmer to cut my husband's hair. He let me! 
• YouTube for hair trimming instructions. Shhh
• Cupcakes too good to eat. I ate the pearl-like thingies anyway. Delish.
• Chesla the Tesla my husband gifted me. 4 days a week I am on the road for two hours so the self-driving feature on the highway helps a lot and decreases my stress driving.
• Audiobooks to listen to while on the road.

Overdue Gratitude

Hello, hello. I am here after two months. I have been meaning to write my gratitude but did not get myself to sit down and actually type and post it. My daughter turned 21, an adult but still young at heart and spirit. She is my forever baby and youngest and smallest. 

We celebrated 2020 style, just me and her in Estes. We stayed in a condo with a nice view. The place was by the stream and the water was not all frozen yet. We could hear the water flowing with its relaxing nature sound. We walked outdoors in with the cold breeze. Surprise, surprise, we were the only ones outdoors. The masks, I must admit, felt good to wear as our breath, at least, bouncing back on our face felt warm.

Paul and I celebrated our two-months anniversary in a neighboring state and ordered takes-outs. We hang out (in?) ate, drank, and talked. The drive was beautiful passing by packs of rams unsuspecting of the cars passing by.

We finally got our professional wedding (and video) shots. They are all beautiful in my eyes. The memories are even more beautiful and the photos are great reminders.

I got my first of two COVID-19 vaccines. I have never been so excited about a shot in my life for myself. But here I am, forced to sit down a day after. I have chills, fatigue, and left arm pain worse than after getting a flu shot. Whatever I am feeling, it is still better than getting sick from the gruesome COVID like my patients suffer from. 

A Bright Week

Hello, hello. It's been a busy, pleasant week. I have many things to be grateful for.

• My indoor planter has arrived. I am so ready with my grow lights and makeshift trellis. Next week, I hope I receive my seedlings. This is my first indoor vegetable gardening with a promise of 36 plants! I will grow lettuce, tomatoes, kales, cucumbers, and other veggies with this. Wish me luck.

• Paul and I have not dined out in a restaurant for months. We love hotpot so we're doing it on our own. We also have not done any camping. Here is our version of "eating out" with makeshift "campfire and have the benefit of real bathrooms, electric power, and fresh seafood (from the grocery store). Some of the vegetables are from my gardening. And we could drink as much wine as we want last night as we were not driving. We enjoyed this eating out 2020 style. We will do it again.

• I helped put together a simple send off to my co-nurse at work. She worked in our hospital for 38 years. She was an excellent nurse. We will miss her. We're not allowed to throw a big party but we had a good time at lunchtime just the same. The bundt care (raspberry and pecan) tasted great and we ordered Korean food from a food truck who donated food to us during the peak of COVID in our unit. 
• I thank Paul for putting together the bouquet. I was busy at work and I asked him to get a flower arrangement with sunflowers as our cake has a sunflower. He could not find that specific arrangement so he made one himself. We think it looks great.

Happy Independence Day, USA

Happy Independence Day, USA. We have no official fireworks celebration this year due to physical distancing. I am thankful, just the same, living in this country, with its wealth and freedom. Of course, no country is perfect. The USA still has a lot of promise, and I want to contribute to its fulfillment and the peaceful fix, however small.

Here's my gratitude list.

• Toddler, Josiah, and Alayna are sporting their red and blue outfit on the 4th of July. For them, it's another day of play, enjoying the outdoors.

• I continue to enjoy my patio garden, small and manageable for me. I haven't bought a bouquet of flowers for weeks.

• I am thankful for the bees and butterflies in my new home. I didn't know that these insects play an active role in pollinating. Maybe I will have pumpkins this year and not just pumpkin flowers.
• My vegetable scraps are growing tall, at least, a centimeter a day. The picture is a 5-day old picture with goldfish in the bottom-feeding the plants continuously with organic fertilizer. :) They're fun to watch while I'm doing the dishes.
• I continue to have new tomato and eggplant flowers.
• My herbs are happily producing many leaves. I just picked some cucumber, parsley, sage, mint, basil, and cilantro.
• I have some netting around my vegetables. So far, I don't have uninvited creatures feasting on my patio garden leaves. I see squirrels and birds, but they don't go near my plants.
• Spin wheels and scare-owls seem to do the trick on keeping some creatures away.
• Paul's and my energy to work morning and afternoon yesterday, pruning and weeding. We filled ten lawn bags.
• Garbage day today!

• My new workspace with less clutter where I blog, do homework, and bills :(
• Paul and I frequently eat out in the backyard. It's several "steps" away from eating from restaurants. We redefined the meaning of eating out.
• The mature trees around the backyard replace camping for now.
• Debriefing at work post-busy-COVID times. It feels good talking about our past struggles as front liners, our feelings, what we liked about the workflow, what worked, and how we can improve.
• COVID census in the hospital continues to shrink.

Daisy

It's been a good week. My Friday ended with a nomination award from a co-worker who witnessed me helping an African-American man in the hospital pharmacy last March. He did not have enough money for his co-pay. I helped him pay for his prescription without him asking. My boss and a couple of co-nurses saw me receiving this award. I guess I made more than one person happy from this act. I, for one, am so happy I was in the pharmacy at the right time. This is the 5th time I have been nominated for the DAISY award so it is a big deal for me. 

I am a rookie gardener. So I am proud of the little successes in my mini garden. Look at my future eggplant, tomato, and a few strawberries. The strawberries are small and sweet.

My grandson often makes me laugh. At 14 months, he is riding this tricycle for the first time and is having such a great time.

We only have 18 COVID patients in the hospital. That is good.

Have a good day you all.

June Thankfuls

Another month, a fresh beginning. It is another busy week but I make time to recognize the goodness around me. I have many reasons to smile this week.

Here's "we woke up like this picture." My grandson was crying so I help the couple by "borrowing" him. He instantly stops crying and here he is with sister, messy hair and all.

My current school for my Master's donated a carful of snacks and beverages to my units to recognize the staff, especially it is the year of the nurses. May is actually the nurse's week but we were too busy with COVID that my hospital did not have the celebration at all. This very nice gesture by American Sentinel University is very much appreciated.

Here's this morning's 2-hour hike in a nearby city. It was overcast and just perfect for hiking!

Thankful for Warm May

The warm days have come, and so the scare of frost has left Colorado. So I wish. To be safe, I started farming mushrooms indoors. I need the motivation I can grow something. It has been 5 years since I did gardening for a hobby.

The easiest way is to purchase a kit, of course. Within ten days, I had oyster mushrooms ready for harvest. Look at the progression of growth from one day to another. 

Look at the pictures below of Josiah and me. What a year of change. My little grandson grew so much. Come to think of it, last year, I did not have to wear a mask when heading outdoors. I am thankful we are not inflicted with serious diseases.

We did not attend any graduation this year. There was no regular celebration of any kind I heard of anyway. The bakeries are open for a curbside pick up though. So we got a cake for Paul's son for graduating from high school with good grades.

Yesterday, I left work early from severe migraine, nausea, and using the emesis bag 4 times too many. I am grateful for the video doctor visit. The provider was teasing me though, saying, "So you left the hospital, and then now you are video visiting to talk to a doctor?" (Well, I work in the hospital, yes, but it was not that bad to go to the emergency department. And when I was that sick, the last thing I wanted to do was to stay at work). I thought I was gonna get better just going home. The two meds I was prescribed worked though. Thank goodness. I finally was able to eat and keep it down around one a.m.

On a more serious (but good) note, the COVID-19 population continues to shrink in the hospital. So far we only have two units for them instead of 4.

That is all for now. Have a good weekend, you all.

Cloth Masks

I am virtually running after the wagon, trying to hop in to join the happy group full of grateful people. Here I am. I made it on a Tuesday afternoon.

• I am thankful for the togetherness in my household the stay-at-home, safe-at-home, whatever-you-call-it orders bring.
• I am thankful for the simplicity and beauty of the activities we are left to do. Walking outdoors? Yes!
• I feel grateful that I have one dog left to encourage us to walk.
• Two playful grandchildren, one walking, the other, a future walker. I hope. He is 13 months expert climber and crawler.
• Cloth masks from work, friends, and neighbors. I treat them as undergarments. They have to be laundered and dried often. (I use a coffee filter insert that is unbleached and garbage bag ties for the metal nose part. I do not believe HEPA-filter is a good idea for the danger of inhaling ground glass).
• No-spill special toddler cups. I can use one for myself. :)

• The beauty of Colorado within ten miles of my home. It is not encouraged yet to drive away in the mountains as they have few resources there as far as medical care is concerned. But there are still plenty of areas to visit that will do.
• I found an outdoor gym. I will use it when it's allowed in the future.
• Flat rocks to do fun stepping. Better than the boring board.
• The new stationary recumbent bike I put together for two hours. I used it when it was raining.
• I am grateful for the patients "graduating" from the hospital after 30-some days who recovered from COVID-19. Here is one I took care of myself.
• We currently have more room in ICU for new patients, thus, the loosening of restrictions with lock-outs and distancing in the social world. Is that good or bad? You decide.

Mask Here, Mask There, Mask Everywhere

Governor Polis advises Coloradans to wear cloth masks now when outside the home. It is not new to me, this donning on the mask thing, as I have been required to do it all the time at work. Our world is full of uncertainty. And I was busy at work and did not make time for daily journaling. I decided to post my gratitude today. At least I would do this. It is good for me.

• I feel grateful for the Governor for suggesting wearing the mask. To this day, many people still do not cover their cough with a tissue or something. At least with the mask, the coughers won't forget. Oh, and please make sure you cover your nose and mouth with that mask or scarf. 
• I made Josiah smile when he saw me with the mask on. It is hard to distance myself from him, so I just wear a mask.

• Some neighbors donated sandwiches to hospital staff taking care of COVID-19 patients.
• A Belgian Waffles business, Wafels and Dinges, donated boxes of yummy waffles as well.
• Two of my co-workers' families also donated food to the staff.
• One of the doctors bought everybody lunch again.
• Paul dropped off some necessities to my house. We were running out of toilet paper and wipes, especially. His store still has some so he got a few for my household.

• Exercise for the body, and mind mostly. It is free.
• Zumba on Prime Video at home. This way I could dance without anybody laughing at me but myself. It is fun.
• Speaking of dancing, my ICU team put together clips of dancing videos together to the tune of, "I'm Bringing Sexy Back." Dancing with the barriers makes it so much harder to breathe. They are great sports.

• This model above got me thinking. I thank my mentor for posting this.
• I want to be in the growth zone. I thank and appreciate everybody especially my intensive care team.
• We are still able to accommodate sick patients in ICU.
• A pregnant patient in ICU delivered her twins safely and are all stable.
• Three COVID patients graduated from the ventilator and did not go back on it.
• We were able to pull older ventilators into use. They work fine. 
• We were able to convert some BIPAP machines into ventilators. 
• So far, we still use one vent per patient and not in the position of having to split ventilator tubings between patients.
• My hospital is in the conservation mode but we still have protective barriers to use.
• All my family members are healthy, and so am I.

Another Week, Another Day

Another week has gone by. It is an okay week. We have some sprinkles of blessings and some rain here and there. There is some calm at the beginning of the storm.

• Thanks to my daughter for cutting my hair. Less hair, fewer viruses that can be trapped by it in my daily shift in the intensive care unit. Because of the stay at home order, and non-essential business closing, I could not go to the salon.
• Thanks to the great outdoors, however cold. I could walk and breathe fresh air, and be able to distance myself more than 6-feet away from everyone.

• Scrabble online is a blessing to spend time with Paul while we maintain separate households. We had been social-distancing for 3 weeks now.
• The prayer Serenity.
• Cupcakes for my grandson's first birthday. He had no idea his big party was canceled, that his number "1" candle was purple, and his balloon reads "congrats." However non-essential, the common items are in scarcity and we made do with what we have.
• I am thankful I was able to put together a care package for my coworkers. They are individually packed medicine, chapstick, and eyedrops. 
• I also put a tray of candies for a week for the staff. Each morning that I come back, it is empty. I like refilling it.

• Did I mention, I am thankful for plain, and simple cupcakes?
• A walk outdoors with family and our dog. Thank goodness my surroundings are clear and not crowded.
• Getting up early to meditate and exercise.
• After wiping my tears for losing patients and a friend's family member from COVID-19 this week, I picked up myself and express gratitude for my health. I am safe. My family is safe.

I pray for continued health so I can keep serving my patients and family. I pray that more personal protective equipment will be available to us soon at work. I pray that this virus will be controlled soon. 

When the Gyms are Closed

The rec centers, gyms, and many establishments are closed. We get back to basics to still stay active with the few material things we have. 

Colorado is not in a lockdown yet. We can still exercise outdoors as long as we distance ourselves from others. We cook more at home, order take-out, and work to help others.

I still have my health to work for the sick in the intensive care unit. My son started helping to deliver food. 

I am thankful for my family, my friends, and my co-workers. I thank the people who donated food to us at work. I thank everyone who prays for us. 

Leaping

We're leaping and keeping

This oh-good feeling

In our reclaimed "home"

With happiness, peace, and joy we own

It is the end of February

The month of love

It's great to end the month

With the people we love

Here's my gratitude list, ten items, it consists:

• My daughter and his nephew dressing alike, so cute.
• Josiah crawling around exploring and getting stronger.
• A celebration night before Josiah's mom's birthday ends. One of the great Mexican restaurants was still open to serve us.
• We had a good carrot cake. Everybody liked it.
• A quote from Oprah I shared with my children.

• Josiah eating green peas. Such a good boy.
• An excellent beginning-of-the-year review from management and peers.
• A thank you card from the adult children of my patient. How sweet. As an intensive care nurse, we don't get this very often.
• A happy work anniversary card and a gift card from work.
• Gratitude from two men the night I decided to pay forward someone for the blessing of peace in my home. 

I heard a cashier telling an older man before me in the pharmacy that there's a co-pay that must be paid. I did not hear the details. The old man went back to the waiting area with no meds on his hands. I could not help but ask, how much cash does he need. I had to insist that he takes my money and gets his meds. He finally did and gave me the change. He thanked me and shook my hand. He said I was an angel. Another unrelated older man came to me and ask to hug me to say thanks for what he saw. He had tears in his eyes. Wow, I felt so happy. I was in the right place at the right time. I got back from that evening more than I gave.

I have heard about people "paying forward" by randomly paying for a strangers' coffee in a not-so-cheap coffee shop. While it may be convenient and a nice gesture, I doubt that the people who go to these coffee shops really "need" free coffee? I think giving a hand to those who need help makes "paying forward" more meaningful. I find that this gesture makes me feel rich in my heart.

Grateful for August 2019

August 2019 comes to a close. Just looking at this past week makes me feel lucky. It is a good month with some simple reasons to be thankful. 

• A nurse wine glass from Paul he got from the wine tasting event. He got some wine too but the glass is especially cute. Why doesn't the nurse have eyes, I do not know.
• Free cactus vegetarian tacos from the employee recognition day with melon juice. I especially like the juice. It refreshed my dry mouth on a busy day in the hospital.
• A smile from my grandson quenches my thirst as well in a different way. Many times at work, in the intensive care unit, I feel stressed, depressed, and helpless dealing with critical patients. My grandson, however little, cures all the negative feelings. 
• Nature hikes this weekend feeds my soul while I get my work out. It is nice to see the great outdoors in Colorado.

• Flowers brighten my day. The red ones are from the Farmer's market Paul got me today. The others are from the hike at Pella Crossing Trail this morning around the lake.

• Here are more flowers from yesterday's hike at Apex and Enchanted Forest trails.

• Pella crossing trail hike was nice around 7 to 8 am this morning. The trail can be heavily trafficked by the locals but the earlier hours are not crowded at all.
• Yesterday afternoon, my daughter and I got 15-year old Snowball, our miniature poodle his shots and renewal of dog license. We spent $75 for everything in the clinic. That is pretty good price, we think.
• I have yet to thank some of my fellow nurses. They helped me a ton trying to stabilize my patients last Wednesday and Thursday to prevent them from crashing. Everybody's effort helped make a difference in my patients' life. I feel lucky to be apart of a highly efficient and helpful team.
• And last but not least, the All Trails app that helped me find easy to moderate trails in my area. It is a great app in the U.S. I heard you can use it too in other countries like Mexico, China, the Philippines, France, England, and Ireland. It is available for free and paid pro-membership as well.